Tomorrow is a long-awaited milestone in my pregnancy. I am scheduled to have an ultrasound, during which we will finally learn our child’s definite sex. My OB-GYN will also check for structural anomalies. I feel excited and nervous.
All my husband and I want is a healthy child. But with chronic illness in the background — my husband’s hemophilia and epilepsy — it is hard for us not to be afraid. The fear of raising a child with a chronic illness, mental disability, or physical deformity haunts us. How would we deal with two people in our nuclear family having special needs? Given the current state of our resources and our available support, it seems like an unimaginable task.
At this point, we can’t do more than hope and pray.
We are counting on a normal delivery because the cost of incubating a premature baby would exceed our present means. Despite being petite and 22 weeks pregnant, I don’t show too much. I get a lot of comments from other people on the relatively small size of my belly, which only exacerbates the fear of carrying a small or underdeveloped baby.
The past week has been quite stressful on the enterprise front. We’ve had to deal with midnight product deliveries to rushing clients heading overseas. Due to compounding stress, I’ve come down with a cold. It’s my first sickness while pregnant because I have been extremely careful not to tire myself too much. Thankfully, I can still manage going out and running business errands (after numerous hot baths and putting on a thick jacket).
Business must go on as usual. We cannot afford to abandon our primary income source. Earning our keep gives us a sense of independence and the hope that we can raise a family by ourselves.
Thankfully, my husband Jared has my back. I am glad that his body is holding up well in this stressful time. Given the uncertain nature of hemophilia, a few weeks without a bleed feels like a tremendous blessing. I don’t need to worry about being out alone in the middle of the night delivering jewelry to a new client because Jared is with me. I feel safe.
I am roughly four months away from delivering our baby. I wonder how things will change once he or she is in the world. Surely the way we do business will be a bit different, as the baby’s needs will come first. We have pledged to be hands-on parents to our newest family member. We don’t know how we will manage everything just yet, but for now, I can’t wait to get a glimpse of our baby. Everything we do is for his or her sake. We will find ways to make this work, the way we do for our business.
And one thing’s for sure: He or she will be truly loved.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.