What my husband learned about parenting with empathy, reflection

The other day, I watched my husband, Jared, handle a parenting moment in a way that surprised me. He didn’t scold or lecture our young daughter. He didn’t swoop in with a tidy “lesson learned” speech. Instead, he did something that some parents might find unconventional and even controversial: He allowed our daughter to feel how her actions might affect someone else.

It wasn’t punishment or cruelty. It was empathy, delivered in the most direct way possible. And the next day, when Jared revisited the issue with her, the lesson had landed. She had understood.

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Reflection as a baseline, not a crisis response

Many people reflect on things only when forced to, such as after something goes wrong or when life knocks them off balance. But for Jared, reflection is his default state. Living with hemophilia and epilepsy means he’s always calculating, always aware of risks, always thinking ahead. He doesn’t have the luxury of waiting for a crisis to teach him.

And it’s not just about the constant need to manage risk. There are also more profound, lifelong questions that hover over him: “Why me? Why do I have hemophilia? Why was this life handed to me?” Those unanswered questions have shaped his drive to understand the world around him — and, in some ways, the entire human experience. His parenting style grows out of that same urge: not to control but to make sense of life and help our child do the same.

Parenting through demonstration and reassurance

This is where Jared’s style stands apart. He doesn’t rely on “because I said so” authority. He shows what foresight looks like in practice. He shows how empathy works, not just as a concept, but as an action.

It can look controversial from the outside. Some might say, “Isn’t that too much? Isn’t it harsh?” But I see a parent using his lived wisdom — honed by years living with an uncontrollable condition — to help our child grasp lessons on a deeper level.

And here’s what seals the deal: Jared always circles back. After the hard moment, after the uncomfortable lesson, he reassures her that he loves her. He makes it clear that the point was never to shame or punish — it was to help her grow. That reassurance is the glue that makes his style work.

Parenting is messy. No method works perfectly every time, and Jared knows that. But what stands out to me is the effectiveness of his approach. Our daughter learns not just by being told what’s right or wrong, but by experiencing how her actions ripple outward.

It’s not fear-based, but instead rooted in empathy. Jared isn’t trying to control her; he’s trying to help her connect with how others might feel, the same way he’s had to connect with his own limitations and understand how they might affect others. And when he follows through with reassurance, our daughter knows she is safe in his love, no matter what lesson is being taught.

Not every parent would do things this way, and not every child would respond in the same way. But in our family, it works. Our sole hope is that she carries this with her for life. And if she grows up to be an empathic and kind adult, then we’ll know the lessons — and the love — worked.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.