What My Husband Means When He Says, ‘It’s Nothing’
“It’s nothing.”
That phrase is often associated with women. Many have argued that women tend to obscure their feelings to avoid hurting other people, especially their partners.
As a woman and a wife, I question this generalization, mostly because my husband says the phrase more than I do.
My husband, Jared, has both hemophilia and a seizure disorder, and he’s surprisingly nonchalant about the things that happen to him because of his conditions.
Scenario 1:
[Jared has a giant bruise.]
Outsider: “What’s that giant red spot on your arm?”
Jared: “It’s nothing.”
Scenario 2:
[Jared has a seizure, loses consciousness, and falls down. He may have been injured in the process, but has no sense of what happened.]
Concerned onlooker: “Oh no, are you OK? Do you need to go to the clinic?”
Jared: “What happened?”
[After a few minutes, Jared regains full consciousness.]
Jared: “Looks like I had a seizure, but I’m OK now! Don’t worry, I’m used to it. It happens now and then.”
I used to get slightly freaked out every time he’d say it was nothing after something potentially serious happened. It almost felt like he was belittling his conditions.
This left me with mixed emotions. I felt proud of Jared for putting on a brave face and not wanting his illnesses to get him down. But at the same time, I worried that he might be taking the state of his health too lightly.
As time goes on, I’m learning the truth behind “It’s nothing.”
When my husband says this during a serious bleed, he isn’t being dismissive or indifferent to his pain. He’s simply choosing to deal with his discomfort quietly, in his own way, while doing his best not to bother the people he loves.
Jared has explained to me several times that the last thing he ever wants to do is burden others. He feels like others have already made so many adjustments for him. To him, urging others not to worry while he patiently awaits healing is an act of love.
Hemophilia is a lifelong, incurable condition. Bleeds are simply a part of Jared’s life. When he says, “It’s nothing,” it means that he knows the issue is temporary. With the help of rest, or medical intervention in the form of factor concentrate, it’ll eventually go away.
Accepting his seizures is more challenging because they didn’t start until his teens, but he still does his best to carry on with life while making necessary adjustments, such as not driving and not using public transportation alone.
Jared’s conditions are definitely “something.” He simply tries to make them “nothing” for the sake of his loved ones. I’m deeply touched by the sentiment. All I ask is that he be transparent about how he truly feels. Those of us who love him will always be there to help and support him.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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