It’s Not Our Fault!

It’s Not Our Fault!

Those of us who either have caregivers or serve as caregivers for others with chronic illness know what it is like to feel as if we are the cause of our loved one’s affliction.

We may think that we said or did something wrong, and because of these perceived wrongdoings, our punishment is relegated to those closest to us. Guilt overwhelms us and leaves us spiritually paralyzed. We ask ourselves, “What have I done that my dear one must face each day with an affliction?” This question reverberates over and over in our brains until we cannot hear the truth, which is that we did absolutely nothing wrong. We do not face punishment or bear the blame for our loved ones’ diagnoses.

I’ve moderated many groups of those with bleeding disorders. Because the genetic marker is on the X chromosome, hemophilia passes through the mother’s DNA. Newly diagnosed families handle the shock in different ways. It is my experience that a mother feels a tremendous amount of guilt while a father is frustrated because he cannot fix the problem. It is out of his control.

Many times, the best that we can do is raise a white flag and surrender. Our thoughts keep us captive, and we build a mental prison entrapping us in a world where we blame ourselves for our loved one’s health issues. While DNA may be involved, we did not “give” those closest to us a chronic illness. For us, my wife may be a carrier, but she did not give our sons severe hemophilia. She passed a genetic marker, but she did not suffer a God complex and zap our children with a bleeding disorder. I don’t believe life works that way.

Hear this: Let us be very careful in whom we call whole and healthy. It is my opinion that we are created equal, each with a purpose on this earth. Whatever challenges we face, there is a reason that all of us are on this planet. Contrary to many naysayers in the world, our loved ones are not mistakes, intentionally created to be less than any other people. As such, we are all perfectly designed. Each of us is designed with a soul longing to sing songs of joy and happiness.

Let us hear the truth about our dearest ones. Illness will not define us, because we are perfectly created to be of service to our fellow human beings. Chronic illness may change how we live our lives and relate to the world, but they can never keep us from living out our purpose in society. No one has the power to tell us our loved ones are disabled or anything of the sort. They are amazing creations sharing love with all who are closest to them.

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Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.

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Joe is the father of two sons with hemophilia. He and his wife Cazandra are active member in the bleeding disorders community and often facilitate workshops both locally and nationally. Joe is a pastor in the United Methodist Church and writes a blog about spirituality and faith. You may follow his blog at www.joekmac.com.

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