Our chronic conditions have helped, not hurt, in finding purpose

All my life, I’ve chased achievement. It made me crave purpose.

I was once a “gifted child,” even called a genius by the Philippine Daily Inquirer — and briefly, I was a commercial model for milk, too. My innocent 5-year-old face appeared in ads juxtaposing little me with history’s intellectual greats, selling brilliance and potential in baby formula cans. I was given IQ tests and offered opportunities others only hoped for. And for all that, I’m still grateful because education does matter, especially for a child from modest beginnings.

But with that privilege came pressure. I carried the weight of expectations: to perform, to lead, to stay ahead. I never questioned what that would do to a developing mind — not until the cracks showed. My late-diagnosed neurodivergence made consistency elusive. I had the ideas and the potential, but not always the follow-through. It looked like laziness, but it was often just burnout in disguise.

I spent so long trying to be “exceptional” that I never stopped to ask myself what I actually wanted. Still, a quiet question lingered in the back of my mind, one that American pop singer Billie Eilish would later put perfectly into words: “What was I made for?”

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November 20, 2023 Columns by Allyx Formalejo

My husband’s hemophilia helped him sense his life purpose early

Purpose doesn’t always announce itself

I never set out to build a life around advocacy. But somehow, advocacy built itself around me.

When I met my husband, Jared, 11 years ago, we bonded over challenges that looked different but felt strikingly similar. Jared’s hemophilia and epilepsy meant monthly infusions, maintenance meds, and calculated risks. My struggles were internal — having spirals, getting overstimulated, and becoming emotionally overwhelmed. He had a body that could betray him. I had a brain that wouldn’t cooperate.

Because of that, we struck up an otherworldly connection. His physical vulnerability aligned with my mental inconsistency in an almost mystical way.

This August, Jared and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary. We finally got to visit a revolving restaurant we’d been eyeing for years. Cittie, our daughter, joined us. Now 6, she’s becoming her own person — old enough to savor a fancy dinner, but still eager to get home to her games after an hour.

Jared and I ended up having one of our classic late-night conversations, both light and meaningful. “Why did you want to become a mom?” he asked.

I didn’t have a polished answer to that question. But when I thought about it, the word that surfaced was purpose.

I’d spent my early life chasing validation. In my 20s, I made choices that prioritized connection and meaning over titles or traditional milestones. I built a life that felt intentional, even if it wasn’t linear.

And now, in my 30s, I want to create something from all of that — a path that honors the life we’ve lived and turns lived experience into something of value. A career that grows from meaning, not just metrics.

Sometimes purpose finds you

Purpose, it turns out, isn’t always something you find by striving. Sometimes, it grows quietly — through lived experience, through love, through moments that don’t make headlines but still change your life.

I used to think purpose was something you had to chase. That it came with awards, accolades, and checking boxes.

But maybe purpose finds you first — in the life you didn’t plan, the people you love, and the causes you’d spend your whole life fighting for.

We didn’t get here on purpose. But here we are now, finding purpose in the life we’re building. And by gosh, I’m so glad we’re here.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.