I’m encouraged to see my son take initiative in solving a problem
His actions confirm to me that he's ready to live independently
To say my youngest son, Caeleb, is excited to start his second year at the University of New Mexico is an understatement. He lived at home during his freshman year, but next month, he’ll move into a dormitory. He can’t wait to spread his wings and live on his own(ish).
At 19, Caeleb longs to have a taste of freedom, proving that he can handle the responsibilities of being an adult. Part of me can’t help but feel joy that my boy is fit and ready to move beyond my house and into the real world. I think back to the many difficulties he faced in his childhood as a result of hemophilia. I sadly remember the many weeks he spent in the hospital with continuous joint bleeds that left him unable to walk. I also laugh when I think of the fun times we shared visiting museums in our area.
Now the time has come for my son to create memories on the next part of his journey. As he prepares to leave the nest, I take one last moment to make sure he understands the need to treat himself prophylactically. I remind him that, as an adult, he must be in complete control of managing his bleeding disorder.
“Dad or Mom won’t be there to remind you to give yourself your shot,” I told him recently. “You must do it for yourself.”
He looked at me in earnest and promised to always do what’s necessary to take care of himself. I was skeptical, but had no choice but to take him at his word.
A sign of readiness
One day, as Caeleb and I talked about what he needed for his dorm room, he asked me for a bicycle to navigate the distance between classes on campus. He explained to me that too much walking hurts his right knee and ankle, making it nearly impossible to get to where he needs to go.
As he spoke, I felt proud of him for coming up with a solution to a tough situation. To keep things light, I said to him, “You speak the truth, young Skywalker. Let’s start looking for a good bike to get you around campus.”
But realizing how Caeleb had solved a problem without any prompting from me caused tears to well up in my eyes. I took his actions as a sign that he’s ready to live independently. This young man, who has suffered through many hemophilia complications, now stands tall, ready to claim the responsibilities that come with both adulthood and his bleeding disorder.
As we finished our conversation, Caeleb returned to his bedroom in my home, and the gravity of his next steps hit me. I’m still coming to terms with the reality that in a month, he’ll no longer live in my house. Independence is great and all, but it does come with a cost. Mom and Dad will no longer be the ones making medical calls on his behalf. Caeleb will have to reach out to the hemophilia treatment center on his own when seeking information regarding his bleeding disorder.
A heaviness came over me, but it didn’t leave me sad. On the contrary, what I’d witnessed that day filled my soul with hope. I kept thinking, “My son is ready for this. He must leave to prove to himself that he can manage his own life, hemophilia and all.”
A part of me wants to hold him close and never let him go, but that would be selfish and wouldn’t consider his growth. I surrender to the fact that he must learn to be successful in solving problems on his own. My task is to get out of his way while reminding him that I love him with all my heart and that my door is always open when he needs a safe place to land.
Later that day, I promised that I’d pick him up in Albuquerque for the holidays instead of making him bike 220 miles to our home in Las Cruces. He smiled and said, “Thank you kindly, Padre.”
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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