How hemophilia influenced my husband’s need for validation
He discovered that relying on validation from others can be damaging
Living with hemophilia involves more than managing physical symptoms. It comes with mental and emotional challenges, too.
My husband, Jared, who has severe hemophilia B and epilepsy, has spent much of his life feeling the need to prove himself. From childhood to adulthood, this drive for validation shaped his sense of self-worth, often leaving him feeling inadequate.
As a child, Jared loved sports and physical activity, but his condition forced him to hold back to avoid bleeds. This limitation made him feel different from his peers, especially at the all-boys school he attended, where athleticism was a prized trait. While others could freely enjoy physical activities, he had to be extra cautious about how he moved, which planted seeds of self-doubt.
To make up for what he felt he was lacking physically, he forced himself to excel in school and overextended himself within his social circles. He found himself craving approval as a way to prove his value. But no matter how much praise he received, it never seemed to fill the void left by his insecurities.
Struggling with insecurities as an adult
As an adult, Jared’s desire to prove himself extended to his professional life and relationships. He overexerted himself, working late and often beyond his job description, excelling in physical challenges despite the risks and always trying to be the best at everything he did. However, this constant pursuit of validation wasn’t sustainable. Despite his accomplishments, Jared continued to feel inadequate. He also tended to experience burnout, which weighed on him mentally and often held him back from experiencing the success he desired.
Many people with chronic conditions like hemophilia share this struggle. They believe that because their bodies are “different,” they must compensate by achieving more in other areas. They also feel the need to fake wellness when they’re struggling so that others won’t see them as a burden. But relying on such validation from others can be damaging, reinforcing a belief that one’s value is dependent on accomplishments, rather than inherent worth.
Breaking free from the need for validation
Jared eventually realized that his worth wasn’t tied to how much he can impress others. Instead, he began focusing on building a healthier relationship with himself. This process involved accepting his strengths and limitations, setting boundaries, and learning that vulnerability is not weakness, but a sign of self-awareness.
He also had the realization that, while he was willing to take large risks with his life and health in the name of overachieving, he often overlooked smaller but more positively impactful risks. One such example would be investing money to achieve long-term, sustainable success. Recognizing this tendency, he became more aware of its impact and decided to make a change.
This journey to self-acceptance isn’t easy, especially for those with chronic conditions who have spent years feeling “less than.” For Jared, it was about recognizing that validation comes from within — not from achievements or praise. He learned to embrace his flaws and understand that his worth didn’t need to be proven. He decided that doing nice things for people who matter would no longer come from wanting to prove himself to them, but merely from a desire to do something good.
For anyone living with hemophilia or another chronic condition, breaking free from the need for validation can be transformative. It means shifting focus from external praise to internal fulfillment. Small wins, self-compassion, and recognizing that one’s value isn’t determined by the approval of others are key.
While the path to self-acceptance is challenging, it’s also liberating. It allows people to live as their authentic selves, no longer bound by the weight of proving their worth to others. For Jared, and many others, this shift is what turns the need for validation into true inner peace.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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