Learning lessons the hard way is often necessary for growth

I love making quilts. Some people wonder why anyone would buy new fabric just to cut it up and sew it back together. It might sound odd, but for quilters like me, creating something by hand brings comfort, joy, and satisfaction.

There is a rule when preparing to make a quilt, clothes, or any project that uses fabric: Measure twice, cut once.

If you cut a piece too small, you can’t just add more fabric to it, so it goes to waste. Cutting too large wastes fabric as well. I’ve learned this lesson the hard way when I didn’t measure carefully. I had to return to the store, buy more fabric, and start again.

This lesson has changed how I approach every new project. Each time, I get a little better, save time and fabric, and avoid extra stress.

Raising children reminds me of the same “measure twice, cut once” wisdom.

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Tough lessons to learn

Parenting is hard. New parents must learn how to do things like feeding and changing diapers, but the learning curve is even steeper when a bleeding disorder is involved.

My sons, Julian, 29, and Caeleb, 19, both have severe hemophilia A. Caeleb has also lived with an inhibitor since he was 11 months old. My husband, Joe, and I never expected either of our sons to be diagnosed with hemophilia, so the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty about our future often felt overwhelming.

As Joe and I learned more about hemophilia and how to care for our sons, the condition felt less overwhelming. Like many parents of kids with bleeding disorders, we became honorary clinicians. We learned because we had to.

We shared this information with our children at an early age. From helping them mix factor by pushing a syringe and swirling the vial, to eventually self-infusing, every engagement regarding their care was a learning moment.

Then, they became teenagers.

Julian made mistakes. Once, he forgot to unpack a shipment of his factor replacement product and put it in the fridge, which was essential at the time. Joe and I thought the whole shipment was ruined. Luckily, it wasn’t, but Julian learned an important lesson — not just about the risk of losing his medication, but also about the financial and insurance consequences. The situation could have been much worse, but now he’s more careful.

As for my youngest son, I truly thought he had a handle on hemophilia. Caeleb is a sophomore in college, and this is his first year living in the dorms, three hours away from home. Despite his reassurance that all was well with his medication, we learned that wasn’t the case. I wanted to jump in and handle everything, but Julian implored me to let Caeleb handle it on his own.

Let’s just say he is learning a tough lesson.

I know I have done everything I can to teach my sons to manage their care, but ultimately, it is their responsibility. I know many parents who feel the same way. The truth is that allowing our kids to learn difficult lessons on their own is often what it takes for them to truly understand the importance of managing their own care.

Mistakes happen, in quilting and hemophilia

Parenting, like quilting, doesn’t give us endless second chances. We measure twice with what we know, but mistakes still happen. Sometimes the fabric cuts cleanly, and everything fits together perfectly. Other times, it frays, or the lines are crooked. We can’t always start over. Quilts aren’t perfect. They require patience, practice, and trust in the process.

I’m learning that, for my sons, adulthood means I don’t hold the scissors anymore. I’ve taught them how to measure and guided them to make good decisions. Now it’s up to them to cut their own fabric, even if the lines aren’t straight and the mistakes are costly.

It’s hard to watch my sons make mistakes, but it’s necessary. The lessons they learn on their own will stick with them more than anything I could teach.

Over the years, Joe and I have pieced together a foundation built from fear, grief, strength, surprise, and love. The stitches in our quilt are strong. Like a quilt, the pieces of our sons’ lives are still coming together as they find their place in the world. Their quilt is growing, one glorious piece at a time.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.