Lessons in humility: Stepping aside to let my sons help each other

Caeleb, my youngest son, is 19 and preparing for his second year of college at the University of New Mexico. He’s experiencing an issue at school that required him to write a letter explaining the difficulties he faced because of hemophilia during his freshman year. As a child, he dealt with frequent internal bleeding episodes that have left him with chronic joint pain.

Even though Caeleb knew what he wanted to say, he had a mental block that prevented him from writing. His mom and I promised to help him craft a strong response, but we needed him to give us an outline.

Once he finished his pre-writing exercise, Cazandra, my wife, and I sat with Caeleb at the computer. Half an hour later, we were still struggling to find the right words to begin the letter. I suggested that I take over and work with Caeleb. Together, we slowly but surely began to craft a respectable piece of prose. As we finished three paragraphs, I gave my son a high-five. We still had more to write, but we were off to a strong start, thanks to our collective effort.

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As Caeleb and I struggled to begin our fourth paragraph, I couldn’t help but notice that Julian, my oldest son, was sitting at the table with the rest of the family. He was typing on his computer and not saying a word. I asked him what he was working on, and he responded only that he wanted me to review it when he finished. I smiled, said, “OK,” and continued to struggle with the dreaded fourth paragraph.

After about 15 minutes, I motioned for Cazandra to take over for me because my mind was a mess. Before she could sit beside Caeleb and me, Julian walked over with his laptop. “Hey, Dad,” he said, “tell me what you think about this letter.” I’m not sure what the rest of the family expected, but Cazandra and Caeleb held their breath, somehow expecting me to get angry at Julian.

Initially, I felt a twinge of annoyance. I’d written a decent letter, so what could Julian possibly add to it? As I read his response, however, I had to admit that it was far better than my suggestions. I turned to him and said, “Son, this is wonderful. Let’s use your letter instead of mine.”

I may be older, but I can still learn from my son

This moment taught me the value of humility and the importance of being open to learning from others, including my son.

Caeleb read Julian’s suggestions and agreed that his big brother’s response was much better than mine. Julian said, “I hope you understand, Dad. I love your writing, but I have more experience dealing with hemophilia than you do. I know what a bleed feels like on the inside. It hurts and prevents me from doing anything until I resolve the issue. You don’t have a bleeding disorder, so you can’t know what an actual episode feels like. I’m an expert in this situation.”

As I listened to Julian’s words, I couldn’t help but feel like my pride was sinking to the bottom of the ocean. I wanted to say, “I may not know how you feel, but my strength carries both you and your brother through the roughest of times.”

In some ways, I felt embarrassed that my 29-year-old son could compose a letter that addressed the issues related to managing a bleeding disorder far better than I could. But in that moment, I realized the true lesson: It’s not about who can write the best letter; what’s important is being humble enough to learn from others, even if they’re younger or less experienced. In the end, I knew Julian was right.

“Son,” I said, “your letter is amazing. I suggest that you and Caeleb finish everything up. Remember, the writing must come from him.” Julian acknowledged my direction, and when he and Caeleb finished their rough draft, they asked Cazandra and me to proofread it.

Finally, I asked Caeleb what he thought about the finished project. He acknowledged that the letter was exactly what he needed. “Julian sure helped out a lot,” he said.

As my pride faded, I gave thanks to God for receiving a lesson that proved more valuable than writing the world’s best letter. Our family’s faith has always been a guiding light on our journey, and this experience reinforced our belief in the power of humility and collaboration. I discovered that both my sons had someone in their corner whom they might not have considered: each other. Through these old daddy’s eyes, the view looked perfect.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.