Managing hemophilia looks different now that we’re in our 30s

When I look back on the things my husband, Jared, and I did in our 20s, I sometimes wonder how we managed to get through them without more emotional or physical scars. We were young, impulsive, and convinced that nothing too serious could happen as long as we “managed things somehow.”

Now that we’re in our 30s, I’m starting to see how much not just age, but also actual brain development has reshaped the way we handle hemophilia, stress, and everyday life.

Recent research indicates that the brain undergoes a significant transition in adulthood, typically around the age of 32 — not 25, as many had previously thought. As that happens, we become less driven by impulse and more oriented toward long-term stability. Reading that made me pause, because I can feel that shift in myself, and I can definitely see it in Jared.

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The reckless confidence of our 20s

In our 20s, Jared and I had a pattern: Enjoy the moment first and figure out the consequences later.

For example, there was the time when we made a three-hour drive to Tagaytay City here in the Philippines for an overnight trip. We wrote down a packing list but didn’t give much thought to properly preparing for Jared’s hemophilia or a long drive. As we turned in for the night, Jared casually mentioned that his back felt “off.” That feeling turned into near-panic on the ride back home, while simultaneously rushing a sick household helper to the hospital. It was chaos upon chaos, and we had no system for handling days like that.

Then there was the infamous pool slide accident at a resort, in which we went on the slide without thinking, landed wrong, and Jared nearly knocked a tooth loose. An ambulance rushed him to the nearest hospital, where none of the staff had even heard of hemophilia. We were trying to stay calm while explaining his condition to people who didn’t know what to do with us. At the time, we shrugged it off as “just another crazy experience.”

We now realize that if we were to do these things over again, we would approach them in a completely different way. We weren’t necessarily irresponsible people, just younger ones with younger brains.

Choosing differently in our 30s

Today, things look different. Jared is far more intentional with his decisions. He listens to his body sooner. He paces himself. He avoids activities when something feels off instead of trying to push through. He prepares better for physically demanding days, ensuring he’s in a safe enough condition before we do anything that could strain his joints. He thinks ahead: “If I do this now, will I be limping tomorrow? Will I still be able to work?”

He jokes about it sometimes, too. After choosing not to do something moderately risky, he’ll laugh and say, “Wow, look at me. Such a good hemophiliac.” It’s his version of using sarcasm to cope, and a reminder that he’s navigating all of this with a sense of humor that’s kept him alive more than once. (And yes, he’s being sarcastic. Always.)

I’ve changed, too. I don’t jump straight into panic or fixer mode the way I used to when I was younger. I recover from stressful moments faster. I pace myself in ways I couldn’t before. I trust his judgment more because it’s rooted in experience instead of impulse. And, together, we’ve learned to move through life less like we’re dodging one crisis after another, and more like we’re navigating with intention.

We’re not perfect. We still have messy moments. But we’re wiser — not in a “feel-good inspirational quote” way, just in the realistic sense of two people who’ve lived enough to understand the cost of not slowing down.

Growing older didn’t make navigating hemophilia easier. But it did make us more deliberate — and maybe that’s its own kind of relief.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.