Now for the hard part: Loving him like he’s near, learning to let go

My youngest son, Caeleb, came to the table the other day with a massive grin on his face. “Guess what?” he said. “I just received an email from housing at the University of New Mexico [UNM], confirming that I have a dorm room for the school year. Can you believe it? I have to check in on Friday, Aug. 15, between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m.”

My wife, Cazandra, and I stared back in shock. I asked to see the email to ensure everything was in order, and I discovered he was right. We hugged, and several exclamations of “Huzzah!” filled the air. Caeleb could move as planned to attend his chosen school!

Several times in his effort to secure a room on campus, my son was told he was on a waiting list. As the start of this academic year grew nearer, we began to resign ourselves to him staying with us through at least the fall semester. This news, that he’ll be in a dorm after all, is most welcome.

Last year was Caeleb’s first in college, and he then chose to live with us instead of on campus, a decision we wholeheartedly supported. We believed he needed an extra year with us to prepare for life on his own. Caeleb agreed that moving away was a significant step, and we were proud of his maturity and independence.

But now he’s entering his second year, and it’s time that he move away. The scary part for us is the distance we now live from UNM. Last year we lived 30 miles from school, a simple train ride from our home in Belen. If he experienced any trouble, we could be on campus within 30 minutes.

In June, though, we moved to Las Cruces, still in New Mexico but about 225 miles from UNM — a concern since the school continued to say Caeleb wouldn’t have a dorm room in the coming year. We’d begun to talk about a Plan B, and then, wham, a change in plans.

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Far away, but very near

Caeleb will be far away from us, but he’ll have access to medical care should he have a spontaneous internal bleeding episode or any other complication related to his hemophilia. Plus, a hemophilia treatment center is across the street from the UNM campus, and his medical team is easily accessible and can help him at a moment’s notice.

We also have many friends in the Albuquerque area, where the school sits, and if Caeleb has a problem that needs immediate care, they can quickly help him. That relieves us of a lot of worry and stress as we make quick decisions regarding my young man. I know he’s an adult, but I want him to have many security guards in case things get out of control and an unexpected injury or complication occurs with us so far away.

Ultimately, of course, I must face reality and mention my greatest fear. I must let go of my son so he can discover how to manage his own problems in his life. He knows his mom and dad will always be a phone call away and that our home is always open to him. We have full confidence in his ability to face reality and manage his life on his own.

Cazandra and I have less than a week to remind Caeleb of his responsibilities. We need to impress upon him the importance of his medical care and the need to inject his clotting medication, Hemlibra (emicizumab-kxwh). Most importantly, he needs to know that while we’ll be more than 200 miles away, we’ll always be there for him. He needs to understand that we love him with all our hearts and will stand by him through thick and thin. There may be tears shed as one part of life gives way to another, but we want him to feel our unwavering support and love.

Good luck and happy journeying, my amazing son. Remember, we love you more than you can ever know and we’re always here for you. Our love and support will be with you every step of the way.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.