Now that my sons are adults, I must pause instead of pouncing

I have two dogs, Laggie and Hildie, that are a mix of border collie and Australian shepherd. They’re 5 years old and came from the same litter, even sharing the same sac, which is pretty rare. Laggie looks more like a border collie, while Hildie takes after the Australian shepherd side. We brought them home as puppies in September 2020.

Watching my dogs play together always makes me happy. Every night, they play fetch with my husband, but there’s something they do that I find especially sweet. They chase each other around a bush, stopping to wait for the other to come racing around the corner. Hildie is great at jumping through the bush to tackle Laggie.

When they pounce with their front paws out and their tails up, it’s clear they’re ready to play. They’re so full of energy, and it feels like a little party every time they greet you at the door.

But not all pouncing is a form of fun and play. For me, it’s about stepping in to control or protect.

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Raising two sons with severe hemophilia A and inhibitors has involved many ups and downs. I’ve learned to speak up for my boys, access their ports and veins, and make sure medical professionals do their jobs. I try to stay calm and professional, though I’m not perfect. I’ve realized that staying silent can hurt both my sons and me.

Now that my sons are adults, I have to hold back when I hear about their struggles. Most of the time, they’re dealing with problems they could have avoided. Why don’t you have enough factor? How could you run out of supplies? Have you talked to your pharmacist?

My oldest, Julian, is 30, and Caeleb is 20. I no longer have any control over their healthcare. I promised myself I wouldn’t be the mom who manages my adult sons’ care. I’m proud to have kept my distance, though sometimes I offer a nudge or ask a question.

I’m grateful that my sons still seek my guidance. If they get into tough spots because of their hemophilia, they aren’t asking me to solve their problems. They just need space to talk things through. I’m their sounding board, and I’m happy to be there for them.

My dogs pounce because they exude joy and happiness. When raising my sons, pouncing was more like attacking. It was my responsibility to care for them at all costs. I learned that advocating and questioning were necessary.

But now that Julian and Caeleb are adults, I have transitioned into a new role. Pausing instead of pouncing is a new and often difficult way of life. When they come to me with worries or questions, I see that my presence is still important. I will always protect my sons, but in this new season, it’s more about trusting than protecting.

And I will always offer a safe space to land, no questions asked.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or another qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.