What to do when sexual intimacy and bleeding disorders collide
Some women experience heavy bleeding during sex
“It looks like a murder scene every time.” “I place multiple towels under me and make sure they’re a dark color.” “I gave up on towels and turned to doggie pee pads, which protect my bed better!”
I’ve heard countless women share such quotes and more when we gather at conferences for women with hemophilia and other bleeding disorders. You might think these women were commenting on the realities of menstruating with a bleeding disorder. While that’s possible, I’m referring here not to menstruation, but to sexual intimacy. No matter what some women do, they bleed profusely every time they have intercourse. There has to be another way!
I’ve often wondered why more hematologists don’t discuss bleeding during intimacy with their patients. They have no problem asking about heavy menstruation, after all. Because of that, I want to encourage women with bleeding disorders who experience significant bleeding during sexual intimacy to reach out for help.
Ideally, they could speak with a hematologist and a gynecologist on staff at a hemophilia treatment center (HTC). An HTC social worker is often available as well to help navigate these sensitive conversations. The resources of the Foundation for Women and Girls+ with Blood Disorders also help in these cases.
Women should’t have to worry whether their bed will be blood-soaked every time they connect intimately with a partner. Finding a doctor and specialists who are willing to listen to these issues is critical.
Documenting bleeding issues for your doctor
When conveying the problem to a medical professional, gather and provide your doctor with documentation of bleeding issues that occur during or after intimacy. Keeping a journal to record the bleeding occurrence, the timing of menstruation, and anything that’s helped reduce bleeding, all of which can be useful tools to explain the scope of the problem.
Additionally, even if this practice sounds gross, photographing everything can be helpful. “A picture is worth a thousand words,” as the adage goes, and I think it’s true with physicians as well. When a woman says she bleeds during or after sexual intimacy, her hematologist may not realize that she means she’s pouring blood. Showing photos of a blood-soaked bed or a multitude of blood-soaked menstrual products, such as pads or tampons, can help a healthcare provider understand the issue more fully.
There’s often value in uploading photos and other documentation to a patient care system such as MyChart, where it becomes part of a medical record and can encourage dialogue with a healthcare provider. It also allows those providers to monitor bleeding issues in real time. Some women may be hesitant to send bloody photos to a healthcare provider, but to me, the value of doing so outweighs the initial awkwardness.
A hematologist, in turn, may be able to work with a patient to identify products that prevent or slow down bleeding during intimacy.
No woman with a bleeding disorder should suffer to have sexual relations with their partner. It’s important for both people in the relationship to feel comfortable and safe. Speak with your partner to process and understand both of your feelings. Discussing the bloody intercourse openly, in fact, is a key way to navigate the issue and make a difference. You and your partner may decide to explore alternatives to intercourse that still offer intimacy. Your partner can otherwise support you and even help document the problem. They can advocate, too, as an ally working toward your ideal options as a couple.
Everyone deserves the opportunity to express themselves sexually if they want. You and your relationships are worth the investment!
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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