A letter to my ‘HemoHusband’ on our 5-year anniversary

Reflecting on how we've supported each other on good and bad health days

Alliah Czarielle avatar

by Alliah Czarielle |

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My husband, Jared, and I have now been married five years! In celebration of our anniversary, I dedicate this letter to him.

To my dearest husband (and our daughter’s one and only “bleedy boy“),

Five years have passed since the day we made a lifelong commitment to each other. We promised to be there through thick and thin, to weather the storms and cherish the joys. Over these five years, we’ve experienced just about it all.

Life threw significant adjustments our way: parenthood, financial struggles, a business venture that initially went great but didn’t pan out as we’d hoped, and the seemingly herculean task of rebuilding our lives from the ground up. All this while grappling with chronic conditions: hemophilia and seizures on your end and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and bipolar II on mine.

We’ve come a long way from where we started, though we’re not quite where we envision ourselves — yet. Maybe, for now, that’s exactly where we’re meant to be.

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We care for each other

Our rare situation of both having chronic conditions makes for an interesting story. Outsiders might assume that I’m the one taking care of you because of your physical challenges. However, you’re just as much a caregiver to me as I am to you. We complement each other’s strengths and support each other’s weaknesses. We acknowledge that neither of us is perfect.

Our relationship has always been about filling in each other’s gaps. While I can’t replace your missing factor, I aspire to connect you with the opportunities you deserve in life. You’re capable in many ways, and I won’t let you forget that!

We’re with each other on good and bad health days

After all these years, I’ve grown accustomed to the presence of your conditions. There are good days and tough days linked to our respective challenges. Some days you struggle to walk and I take on extra household responsibilities; others you face stressful events that trigger multiple seizures; and in moments, I battle forgetfulness or have difficulty following directions. But after five years, we’ve learned that these parts of our journey are normal. We’ve faced a lot — but thankfully, nothing too overwhelming.

To outsiders, hearing that you have hemophilia and epilepsy may trigger alarm bells because they’re portrayed so gravely in the media. But I’ve realized that can happen because it’s rare to know someone who has both conditions.

Over time, I’ve realized that while health issues must be taken seriously, it’s OK to find humor in them occasionally. Laughter can be therapeutic — and shared laughter brings people together! That’s certainly been the case for us.

I’ve learned to worry less

As someone who’s battled clinical anxiety, I never thought I’d experience a day without worry. My mind is always bustling with thoughts, often drifting toward worst-case scenarios.

Now, I realize I can’t let worry about your conditions consume me. Knowing when it’s time to set aside our concerns and simply embrace life has proven to be an important bit of wisdom.

In moments of confusion, I turn to the Serenity Prayer: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

As the character Newt Scamander wisely says in the film “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” (from the Harry Potter universe), “Worrying means you suffer twice” — once in your thoughts, and again when your fears materialize.

When hemophilia and seizures fade into the background, we can pause and relish life’s pleasures. On days when bleeds and seizures steal the spotlight, we tackle them head-on. Addressing challenges as they arise is always the most effective approach.

5 years is a long time, but not too long

These five years have gifted us with plenty of life experiences and lessons, but as we always say, it’s just the beginning. There’s so much more to come.

Thanks for these awesome five years, my love. Looking forward to many more!

With so much love,

Your HemoWife

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.


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