A difficult first semester of college taught my son valuable lessons
Balancing the demands of school and hemophilia is no easy feat
On Monday, my youngest son, Caeleb, will begin his second semester as a freshman at the University of New Mexico. Last night he asked me if I had a few minutes to talk. I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but when my 18-year-old asks outright for a moment to speak, I drop everything in my world to focus on his. I smiled at him and said, “I have all the time you need.”
Caeleb wanted to talk about his choices regarding his previous semester of school. “Dad, I didn’t do my best,” he said. “My grades suffered because I felt overwhelmed and lacked the right headspace. I want to do better next semester, so I have a few ideas I want to run past you.”
I wanted to lay down the law and tell him how the cow ate the cabbage, but now was not the time to give Caeleb one of my famous lectures. He needed to process his next step without my input, so I turned and gave him my full attention. As we sat together, he took the conversation into his own hands.
Reflections on his first semester of college
“First, I know last semester I didn’t do my best work,” he said. “I didn’t realize that when I started college, I not only had to worry about regular school things, but I also needed to keep on top of my hemophilia medication. I had to worry about assignments, make sure I had enough Hemlibra [emicizumab-kxwh], negotiate doctor appointments, and manage other things that came up.”
As soon as he finished, I assured him that life can be overwhelming, and that the semester had been the first time he’d needed to take complete control over his life. He responded, “Well, adulting sucks sometimes.” We laughed, but I could tell he had more to say, so I invited him to continue leading the conversation.
“Second, it’s tough balancing the demands of a bleeding disorder with all the other things I must get done,” he said. “How did you and Mom survive raising my brother and me?”
I assured him it was not a bother, but a labor of love. Having two sons with bleeding disorders opened the door to a whole new language that we hadn’t known existed. I don’t think I’d ever said “recombinant factor VIII” before my sons were born. Hemophilia? I gave up. What did it mean?
I looked at my son with his earnest, beautiful, green eyes and said, “We never just survived in our home. We may have felt like the boat was about to capsize at times, but we did far more than survive, my son. We thrived. Indeed, life didn’t turn out how we thought it would, but that doesn’t mean we regret our journey. You and your brother helped build the road that we couldn’t see before. Our lives have proved more prosperous because of you.”
Caeleb thought this over before continuing. “Third,” he said, “while I continue to figure out how to manage my bleeding disorder, school, and personal life, I want you to know that I appreciate you and Mom more than you’ll ever know. Together, we are a mighty team, and I love you. I needed to say that to remind myself who has my back.”
I gave him a big hug. “I love you, too, son. Nothing in this world will ever be bigger, grow taller, or love fiercer than how we feel about you.”
As we finished our conversation, I didn’t care about the tasks before me. Everything could wait. My mighty son was learning valuable life lessons from a difficult first semester of college. Nothing else mattered.
Walking away from that incredible conversation made me confident in answering one of my questions from many years ago: What is hemophilia?
Years ago, I would’ve said it’s a bleeding disorder that causes struggles, but over time, I’ve discovered another truth. Hemophilia is an obstacle that reminds me not to be afraid, pushing me to rise and face struggles many people could never imagine. The bleeding disorder allows me to see how strong I am, how much passion I have for life, and how deeply and wholly I can love another person.
I wish my son well on his journey. I know he’s set himself up to have a much more productive second semester. He’s faced some challenges and is now ready to work his hardest. He’s also realized that he’s not alone on his journey. Our family stands behind him, prepared to help at a moment’s notice.
So here’s to my soon-to-be 19-year-old, second-semester freshman, who’s filled with heart and knowledge.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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