A Glimmer of Hope Propels Me Through the Darkness

The Sacramento Christian Camp and Conference Center lies in New Mexico’s Sacramento Mountains at an elevation of 9,500 feet. It offers fresh air and magnificent views of the surrounding mountains and valleys. I’ve been visiting the camp for over 15 years and still get caught up in the extraordinary panoramic spectacle. Sometimes I struggle to take it all in because it’s difficult to comprehend so much beauty.

One night, while attending a recent retreat, a friend and fellow pastor encouraged me to accompany him on a stroll away from camp. Although I felt apprehensive about walking in the darkness, I agreed to go with him. My body was on high alert as I walked in the night. I imagined running into wild animals and other horrible things.

My friend and I came to a clearing that was beautifully lit by the light of the moon. For a moment, I relaxed and found peace in the tranquility of the field. We continued to chat, and his company provided a calming presence in the darkness.

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I realized that venturing into the unknown isn’t easy. My family has faced many unexpected internal bleeding episodes and other medical complications that proved daunting and complex. The journey through hemophilia and inhibitors is frightening, and facing our fears can be overwhelming. At times, it seems that hope is lost, and joy is just a fleeting memory.

Sometimes I sit in the shadows of an excruciating bleeding episode and cry out to God, “Where is the healing that you promised me? Why does my strength seem to be diminishing? I feel alone, and your protection feels light-years away. Pity me in my greatest heartache.”

In the darkest of times, I turn toward the glimmer of light in the distance — the field illuminated by the moon. I remember that this speck of brilliance will eventually overwhelm the darkness, resulting in healing and transformation. The resurrection of a new day, a new hope, propels me forward.

I know I must walk forward, but my journey isn’t easy. As a husband and a father, I must provide for my family as they struggle through difficult times with a bleeding disorder. I must lead my loved ones through the darkness.

I can’t bypass the harsh realities of needles, internal bleeding episodes, and swelling in the hope of finding milk and honey. The only way to reach the other side is to move bravely through the pain. Faith brought me to this point, and it will hopefully carry me into the light.

So, I turn my feet toward the horizon and begin my journey, trusting that I will find the fullness of grace. But I must take the first step.

As I find my way through the darkness of hemophilia, I’m reminded that my actions serve as an example for my mighty sons, who look to me for guidance, strength, and hope. Therefore, I commit to leading them through uncertain times so that they may discover peace and beauty, even in the darkness.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.