How practicing gratitude helps me cope with my bleeding disorder
Naming the things I'm grateful for has changed me
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“Today I am thankful for warm showers and a safe place to live. Dog kisses, even when I am grumpy, make me thankful. I am thankful I did not come unglued when I was frustrated at work.”
In November 2020, as part of a women’s hemophilia retreat sponsored by Pacific Northwest Bleeding Disorders, I was sent a gratitude journal. The instructions were simple: List three to five things I was thankful for. Every night. It came at a great time, given that we were in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. I still use a gratitude journal every night.
Naming the things I’m grateful for has changed me. It’s so easy to get caught up in all the things going wrong in my life, particularly when I’m dealing with a chronic medical condition like hemophilia A.
Sometimes I have to work really hard to come up with anything to be thankful for. But as I wrote above, when everything else feels like it is falling apart in my life, at least I can be thankful for a shower and my dogs. Except when a storm knocks out the power and I don’t have hot water! Then I’m thankful for my dogs and a dry place to sleep.
Gratitude pulls up my attitude
When I can find something to be thankful for, I am pulled out of the depths of my sadness, frustration, and even despair. That distraction is important, particularly in moments when I am fighting an unexpected bleed, because it can feel so disempowering to have my body not cooperate with the plans I make. Trapped inside myself, it is so easy to plummet into unhealthy spaces. Pain exacerbates my struggle even more. By forcing myself to take the time to focus on the good things in my life, I can break that cycle.
Recently, a rabbi told me a story about his time as a mountain biker. He said he once read how rocks on trails can cause issues for bikers. He learned that when a person focuses on the rock, they are more likely to hit it, but when they focus on the trail itself and simply “notice” the rock, they are more likely to navigate around it.
Gratitude is like that. If I focus on what’s dragging me down, I keep sinking, but if I can look at the bigger picture of my life, the intensity of my pain and struggles diminishes. This can be hard to do. Sometimes when I am grumpy, I want to stay grumpy and feel sorry for myself, but in those moments, I begrudgingly try to identify the things I appreciate.
It’s also exhilarating!
There are moments when everything is going well. My medications are working beautifully to prevent bleeds, and I’m active, feel healthy, and strong. Pausing to acknowledge those moments and not taking them for granted can enhance their beauty and joy. In fact, I have cried tears of joy and awe when I stop and acknowledge how fortunate I am.
I am in less pain as an adult than I was as a child. This is a direct result of obtaining a proper diagnosis and access to the treatment I need. Having the privilege of taking medication every 48 hours that prevents bleeds allows me to live my best life. This is an incredible gift that I’ll always be grateful for and never take for granted.
I want to encourage everyone to take up a small challenge. Over the next week, find a consistent time, perhaps before bed or during morning coffee, when you pause and think of three things you are thankful for. Notice how that small act of acknowledgement affects your spirit and your day.
What benefits do you find from intentionally practicing gratitude? Please share in the comments below.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or another qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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