Dear Husband, I Won’t Do Everything for You

Alliah Czarielle avatar

by Alliah Czarielle |

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everyday annoyances | Hemophilia News Today | mental health | main graphic for the column

My dear husband,

I won’t do everything for you. I may take on some of your physical responsibilities when your body says “no for now,” but I’ll leave you to do all the thinking and strategizing you can do for our family.

You may have hemophilia and a seizure disorder, and realistically, these conditions take away your ability to do some things independently. For instance, the law will not permit you to drive — at least until you become seizure-free for a long time. We can’t risk getting into a road accident for our daughter Cittie’s sake.

I know it disappoints you. But that is our reality for now. So while the possibility that you may have a seizure remains, I’m responsible for our transportation.

Most of the time, I enjoy long drives, especially when there’s no traffic and I get to put on some good music. However, I occasionally have panic attacks on the road for no reason (just biology, I suppose). Driving isn’t always fun and games for me!

I’m not saying any of this to guilt you, my love. The bottom line is that I, too, look forward to the day we can take turns behind the wheel! Until then, I must challenge myself to handle my anxiety attacks on the road.

So far, I’ve been doing OK. The upside of this situation is that I’m forced to improve myself.

Dearest husband, even though you can’t drive for now, there are so many other things you are beyond capable of doing. And so I will let you do all the things you do best.

You’re great around the house. You’re a superstar at organizing and cleaning spaces. On the contrary, I somehow always manage to make a mess of whatever corner I’m in.

You’re a wonderful cook, too! The dishes you prepare are phenomenal. You take pride in creating restaurant-quality food on a daily basis. Guess what? I’m happy that you’re proud of yourself and your abilities.

Disability has always made it tough for you to feel good about yourself. I won’t keep you from doing things that help you further uncover your talents.

You never tire of getting up ahead of me and preparing breakfast for the family. You’re always kind enough to let me rest my tired, insomniac head for a few more minutes.

I always love waking up to the taste of coffee that you’ve prepared especially for me. I still can’t believe you’ve figured out how to create the perfect pumpkin spice dupe with just basic ingredients from our kitchen.

A typical day in our house isn’t complete without some toddler laughter you’ve incited. In the afternoons, you’re happy to sit with Cittie while she watches shows, explores her toys (or some of our stuff), or plays coloring games on your phone. At night, “Daddy snuggles” are the only thing that can get her to sleep. That’s your magic!

I won’t take over your responsibilities and take away your fun. I want you to feel as productive and fulfilled as you possibly can.

Even when you have to rest due to a bleed that got the better of you, you’re not useless. You can still help out with our business. You still have to be Cittie’s snuggle buddy at night.

Disability may give us a few added challenges, but with some readjustments, we can still be healthy together as husband and wife. And for this to happen, it’s important for both of us to be independent. Each of us must be capable of tending to our individual needs. We must be careful not to fall into the trap of co-dependency, which would cause our relationship to become unhealthily one-sided.

Always remember: You are your own person. I love you because of who you are.


Your wife and partner.


Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.


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