I tell my son, ‘When you’re eating an elephant, take it one bite at a time’

My son Caeleb called me last night, sounding stressed.

“Dad, I have so much to do that I don’t know where to start,” my youngest son told me. “I have big projects due early next week in three of my classes, my knee is killing me, and I have a couple of doctor appointments to schedule. I feel like I can’t get anything done, and I’m balancing on a thin high wire. What do you think I should do?”

Caeleb is a sophomore at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. This year is a big one for him because it’s his first living on his own, but when he mentioned his knee, I cringed. The last thing I want is for him to have complications related to hemophilia.

The pain is the result of multiple episodes of internal bleeding. The damage left him with little to no cartilage in his knee and chronic pain. Normally, my son rides his bike to his classes, but when the pain becomes too much, he uses the electric wheelchair he brought from home.

Managing deadlines, meeting commitments

Now 20, Caeleb has taken over his hemophilia A treatment, and I am proud of him for that. His doctor appointments are right across the street from campus, so it’s easy to reach the hemophilia treatment center (HTC), his orthopedic doctor, and any other medical care he may need.

“Son. Let’s try to set up a calendar for you,” I said, adding that we should start with his doctor appointments. “Which doctors do you need to see? Finding solutions to your bleeding disorder is the highest priority.”

He said he needed to make an appointment at the HTC for his comprehensive checkup and to see his orthopedic specialist about his knee. I told him he can use his electric wheelchair to help reduce unnecessary pressure on his knee.

Then I told him what to do about his schoolwork. I said he should set aside two hours each day to work on each project.

The phone went silent, and I immediately worried that I’d overstepped my boundaries. Maybe he had just needed a place to vent without someone, much less his dad, solving his problems.

But to my relief, he responded, “I think you’re right, Dad. I need to get a game plan together. Maybe I can write a small to-do list with deadlines. If I plan how I go forward, I can follow my schedule.”

I said, “When I find myself backed into a corner with a million deadlines due, I take a step back and create a task list with due dates for each task. Planning provides me with a sense of relief, allowing me to concentrate and get the job done. The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.”

The conversation took a strange turn as we discussed which part of the elephant to eat first. I wanted to turn it back to time management, but Caeleb was ready to move on. He had gotten what he’d asked for and now just needed to come up with his game plan.

“Thank you for helping me think through this stuff,” Caeleb said. “Adulting is hard. I love you.”

“I love you too, son,” I said. “I know that you have everything in the bag.”

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.