I am a proud dad, even when I’m concerned about my son

Last Friday, my wife, Cazandra, and I drove to Albuquerque from our home in Las Cruces, New Mexico, for doctor visits and other personal business. One of the best parts of the trip was taking our youngest son, Caeleb, to lunch. I know he’s 20, but sometimes I have to lay eyes on him to check in, especially given his severe hemophilia. Zoom is great, but it doesn’t replace in-person visits. We had a great time as he shared the ups and downs of his semester at the University of New Mexico, along with other major issues that come with being a college student.

When we met him at his dorm, my son smiled and asked, “Well, aren’t you gonna give me a hug?” Cazandra and I rushed to him immediately, and I hugged him from the left while she embraced him from the right. He laughed as we started jumping up and down. Our reunion warmed our hearts.

We decided to eat at a wonderful restaurant called Saggio’s. During lunch, Cazandra and I talked about the tasks we had to accomplish in Albuquerque and the joy we felt seeing our youngest creation.

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As we laughed together, I asked Caeleb, “How is your semester going?” He told us he had a ton of work to finish, but everything was OK. Internally, I wanted to fix the problem. I wanted to remind him of strategies to manage his stress as he navigated the last few weeks of school. I don’t know how I did it, but I managed to keep myself in check.

I wanted to invite him into a healthy dialogue without judging his feelings or choices. I assured him he could handle the hardest part of the semester, and he shared how he intended to finish the school year well.

“Dad and Mom, I plan on going back to my room to prepare for some upcoming projects, and I plan to study in the library every day. For some reason, I do my best work there.”

We affirmed his decision and continued talking and laughing.

Navigating difficult conversations

All was going well until Caeleb mentioned that he hadn’t been compliant with his hemophilia medication. I asked, “What are you going to do about it? You know what happens if you don’t take your regular dose of Hemlibra.” Hemlibra (emicizumab-kxwh) helps Caeleb’s blood to clot, preventing bleeds.

I could tell my response was a little pushy, as Caeleb seemed to tense up when I spoke. Catching myself, I reinforced his decision-making ability. “I know you will make the best decision,” I said, trying to recover some of my nonjudgmental presence. But what I wanted to say was, “What is wrong with you? Do you want to start having spontaneous bleeding episodes again?”

Praise be to God that I held my tongue, and my son heard none of the accusatory remarks circling in my head like a vulture about to pounce on its next roadkill meal.

Caeleb brought up other topics, such as money, dorm life, and how his Dungeons & Dragons games help him relax and connect with others. He has built a community of supportive friends who share his adventures. It was encouraging to hear that he feels supported and is embracing his newfound independence, free from his mother and father’s glares. He sums up his first year on campus as successful, which reflects his growth and resilience.

I’m a proud and grateful dad

As Caeleb shared his assessment of the year, I felt overwhelmed with pride. As a boy, he spent more years in the hospital than in his bed at home. He had to use a wheelchair for several years because he couldn’t walk more than five paces without initiating an internal bleed. His future seemed bleak.

Caeleb’s successes stem from the resolve he developed during the most difficult parts of his life. As his dad, I stand amazed at all he continues to achieve as he finds his way in the world. He is a living example of what it means not only to survive but to thrive through dark and troubled times. Seeing his strength fills me with joy.

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.