When a simple ‘I’m here’ reveals hard-won compassion and empathy
How my son's hemophilia has helped him support others in their traumas
As a hospice chaplain, I offer space for people to speak. I meet them where they are as they grieve. From patients who need to reveal their regrets and disappointments to family members wracked with guilt, I am present and give them space. No judgment.
Sometimes it’s difficult not to interject and say, “Oh, I had the same experience,” and recount my own stories or opinions. There’s a quiet wisdom in stepping back and inviting others to share their hearts. It’s an art form that I work on daily. I’m grateful to have people who trust me and allow me to be part of their journey.
Even in my personal relationships, I work at pausing and listening before speaking. That’s something my youngest son, Caeleb, is addressing. He’s a college student, brilliant, creative, and funny. He’s also a work in progress, like everyone. One of his struggles is speaking before listening, though he’s aware of this issue and works on it.
I see his growth in our conversations and debates. He takes time to listen and then offers different perspectives. His improvement as a listener has had an impact on his family and friends.
The art of just listening
Caeleb has a motto that he holds close when friends and family share stories with him. He doesn’t say, “I know how that feels” or “That reminds me of.” He says, “I’m here if you need to talk.” His compassion runs deep, shaped by the medical trauma of living with hemophilia. His experiences have given him a perspective rich with understanding.
Caeleb understands trauma in a way many do not. As a young man with an inhibitor atop his severe hemophilia, his childhood was filled with painful memories. He lived through prolonged hospital stays, needle phobia, and painful joint bleeds. His elementary-school years were not filled with playground games, but with wheelchairs, missed days of school, and isolation.
Even now, the world around him is built for the nondisabled, filled with assumptions that make Caeleb feel less than in an already hindered body. But something beautiful has grown out of his pain.
Out of Caeleb’s suffering has come a deep sense of compassion, hard-earned through a disorder he couldn’t control. This transformation of pain into compassion is a beacon of hope, showing us that even in our darkest moments, something beautiful can grow.
His years of pain developed a heart that empathizes in a way that can’t be taught, only lived. And now, my sweet son shares this compassion and empathy with those he loves.
Saying “I’m here if you need to talk” is a testament to my son’s strength. It sounds like a simple phrase that most would use, but it’s more than that for Caeleb. It’s evidence that he uses his life with hemophilia in a way that goes beyond needles and treatments. He uses his journey to be present with others who are hurting.
His pain, past, and perspective for survival are now used to connect. His is a story of courage and inspiration, showing us that even in our own struggles, we can be there for others.
And sometimes, the most we can offer another human being is the gift of being completely present. It’s a powerful gift, one that can make a world of difference to someone in need. It’s a reminder of the importance of our own presence in the lives of others.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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