Celebrating my life partner and best friend on our anniversary
Despite our differences, we've made a mighty team of mutual support and care
As I write this column, it’s my 32nd wedding anniversary.
I met my wife, Cazandra, when we were in college. At first, we didn’t get along because we’re pretty different people: She’s an introvert while I feed off other people’s energy. College friends continue to ask us if we’re still together and react in shock and disbelief when I inform them that we are, and love each other with all our hearts.
I never dreamed that the beautiful woman who stood beside me in our church and pledged to support me through the best and worst times would continue to encourage me and improve my life daily. We had no idea what awaited us as I looked at her and pledged my love. For us, “hemophilia” was a word that circulated in an alternate universe.
I didn’t then realize that this powerful, capable person would hold my hand and form a bond when the trials of a bleeding disorder seemed almost too much to handle. We helped each other through our two sons’ diagnoses of severe factor VIII deficiency, inhibitors, and an allergy to factor VIII products. We rallied the troops to lift one another when times proved difficult.
Through it all, we never lost sight of each other’s strength. Cazandra kept me going when I couldn’t take in some of the most difficult times in our family’s life. When my oldest son, Julian, was small, for instance, she found ways to keep him entertained during infusions. She placed an ice cube on his high-chair table as I prepped him for a factor VIII infusion into his port-a-cath. As Julian unsuccessfully tried to pick up the ice cube, I got him ready for the medical procedure without a struggle.
A crisis builds bonds
My youngest son, Caeleb, has a unique story. When he wasn’t yet a year old, he went to Houston to share some time with his mother as Cazandra played her oboe in an enormous Christmas pageant. While they were away, we decided to have Caeleb circumcised there. It seemed that everything went well, so she and “MacDonald the Younger” headed to the airport to catch a flight back to El Paso, traveling from the east to the west side of Texas.
But when Cazandra went to the restroom to change Caeleb’s diaper at the airport, she saw it was filled with blood. Immediately, her “mommy spidey sense” sprang into action. She called my mother to get a ride back to the hospital. Something wasn’t right.
When they got there, the medical team of the Gulf States Hemophilia and Thrombolia Center infused Caeleb with factor VIII. Under normal circumstances, infusing him with the medication would clear things up. But not this time; Caeleb continued to bleed. It was as if factor VIII were water and not a coagulation medicine.
In fear, Cazandra called me, and I quickly boarded a plane to Houston. We needed each other, as we promised so many years ago, to help us get through this unimaginable horror. Through testing Caeleb’s blood, we discovered that he had an especially high-titer inhibitor of over 2,500 BU/mL. (Anything over 5 BU/mL is considered a high-titer inhibitor.) The numbers shocked everyone as we rallied the troops to make a game plan to help Caeleb. We used a bypassing product to help him clot, but we knew that this complication would not be the last.
I can’t recall when we found strength within ourselves and each other to weather any storm we might face on our journey. I do know this: I couldn’t imagine sharing my life with anyone else as my life partner. Her strength and commitment to the pledge we took many years ago amaze me. Our sons continue to live full lives because of our efforts to encourage them on their paths.
Last night as I write this column, I surprised Cazandra and took her to dinner at Les Combes, our favorite winery and bistro in Albuquerque, New Mexico. We reminisced about our 32-plus years together. Sometimes we laughed, while other times proved more serious. I grabbed her hands, looked into those incredible brown eyes, and told her, “If I could marry you again, I would kneel at your feet during the ceremony.”
We raised our glasses, made a toast to another year, and pledged to continue our journey as partners.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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