The similarities in healing from past abuse and medical trauma, part 2

Editor’s note: This story includes discussion of sexual abuse. If you or someone you know needs help, the RAINN national sexual assault hotline in the U.S. is available 24/7 by calling 1-800-656-4673 or texting HOPE to 64673. There is also an online chat at rainn.org/help-and-healing/hotline. Internationally, the University of Minnesota offers a handbook that lists global centers for survivors of sexual assault and harassment.

Last in a series. Read part one.

For years, hemophilia was believed to be a male-only disease. As such, women with hemophilia were ignored, discounted, and flat-out dismissed when seeking medical care, which can result in medical trauma. Some women with hemophilia are also survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

This week, I continue my email conversation with Saria Karhunen, a licensed clinical social worker and senior retreat manager at the nonprofit Saprea, about navigating healing from both types of trauma.

“There are many parallels between these two traumatic journeys,” Karhunen told me. “One of the most damaging experiences for survivors is not to be believed. In fact, many survivors are ignored, silenced, or blamed for the abuse.”

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As a woman diagnosed with hemophilia at 45, I could relate. I was blamed when I said I was in pain. As a child, I believed I was weak when comparing myself with others. But I was really experiencing unrecognized bleeds! I ignored my pain because I had no choice.

Later in life, I realized that my pain tolerance was actually higher than that of most people. For example, after a recent surgery, staff repeatedly reminded me to use my pain med pump.

“When women with medical issues are dismissed, it sends a message that their reality doesn’t matter and someone else defines what is true,” Karhunen said. “This magnifies the original wound of trauma and creates a sense of unworthiness and shame. Another parallel is the belief that one is forced to endure, and pain is inevitable, which often makes the person feel helpless and leads to dissociation, numbing, and other unhelpful coping mechanisms.”

My personal experiences running discussion groups for women with hemophilia at conferences reinforce everything Karhunen told me.

Different trauma, similar feelings

I was moved by the parallel feelings I had as a result of experiencing child sexual abuse and being ignored, gaslit, and disempowered as a woman who was for too long denied care for hemophilia. When I shared this with Karhunen, she replied that “historically, medical research has focused disproportionately on men’s issues, and women’s medical concerns have received less research, funding, and attention. In both child sexual abuse trauma and in medical trauma, a person is left feeling disempowered, unworthy, and alone.”

I nodded as I read her words because everything tracked with my own journey. I asked her what she would say to a woman who has experienced both types of trauma.

“You are not imagining this connection. Many women have lived it. I believe you. You deserve support and healing,” she said. “Healing from trauma is not a solo journey. Find your community of co-journeyers and compassionate supporters. Sharing your heavy load with a compassionate community will ease your burden and bring connection and healing.”

When women gather and talk about their experiences being gaslit as they fight for years to get a hemophilia diagnosis, they find compassion and empathy. Shared experiences change feelings of helplessness and promote healing.

Multiplying the healing of trauma

So how can healing the trauma of childhood sexual abuse also promote healing from medical trauma, I wondered.

“One of the most damaging experiences for survivors is not to be believed,” says Saria Karhunen, a licensed clinical social worker. (Courtesy of Saria Karhunen)

“Both traumas involve loss of control, invasion of boundaries, and a sense that your body doesn’t belong to you,” Karhunen responded. “When a person reclaims bodily autonomy and empowerment, their nervous system starts changing. They learn to befriend their bodily experiences and trust themselves. They shed unhelpful shame and find safety in their bodies. Through the practice of embodiment, they learn to respond to suffering with self-compassion. And finally, they find their voice and learn to advocate for themselves.”

This is indeed the journey so many women with hemophilia have navigated, and one that I and fellow Hemophilia News Today columnist Jennifer Lynne frequently write about. We do this because women with hemophilia deserve acknowledgment and treatment.

For anyone interested in learning more about Saprea or their retreats, Karhunen recommended checking out their website, which is “filled with education and resources on child sexual abuse prevention and healing.” You can find more information about retreats at the “Heal” tab.

I asked if she had a parting piece of advice she’d like to share with women who have experienced both medical trauma around hemophilia and sexual abuse. “Trauma is a heavy burden to carry,” she said. “Having experienced multiple traumas has a significant cumulative effect. Self-compassion can make a profound difference. Practice responding to your pain like you would to a loved one who is hurting.”

Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.