Love and support helped us navigate our youngest son’s diagnosis
Our village — and our oldest son — got us through that difficult period
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As we honor National Family Caregivers Month this November, I think back to what my wife, Cazandra, and I were told when our 20-year-old son, Caeleb, was born. Our oldest son, Julian, had been diagnosed with hemophilia 10 years earlier, and a friend in the bleeding disorders community who had two children with the condition warned us that a second diagnosis could be harder to hear. She wanted us to prepare for the possibility that Caeleb might also have hemophilia. We dismissed her concerns, believing our son would receive a clean bill of health.
When we received the news that Caeleb had severe factor VIII deficiency, or hemophilia A, we were in shock. Until then, we had believed that Julian’s disorder resulted from a spontaneous mutation. After Caeleb’s diagnosis, my wife and I learned that Cazandra and her mother were both carriers. That discovery changed our understanding of the risk of having another son with a bleeding disorder.
Caeleb’s diagnosis brought back memories of the difficulties Julian faced in his early years, just as our friend had warned. Our joy turned to mourning as we braced ourselves for the struggles we feared Caeleb might face.
When reassurance couldn’t reach us
Our friends outside the bleeding disorders community tried to comfort us. They said things like, “You both know how to handle this,” and “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” We appreciated their concern, but those words did not reach the grief we were feeling. We felt disconnected from the world and wanted to say, “You don’t understand. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.” Instead, we thanked them and began preparing our hearts for life with another difficult diagnosis.
As a father, I felt heartbroken and helpless, unsure I could provide the care my son might need. I kept asking myself, “How can I be the best advocate for my wife and our new son?” Even doing the next right thing felt like carrying a pile of heavy bricks on my shoulders, and I longed for a place to rest.
A big brother’s gift of hope
As Cazandra and I navigated the distressing diagnosis, we knew we had to tell Julian, but we didn’t know how he would react to having a “blood brother” in the house. His answer was simple: “That is great. He is just like me.” Those words brought us to our knees. In that moment, we found unexpected strength.
Cazandra and I looked at each other and laughed. “You’re right, son,” I said. “And he will depend on his big brother to help him find his way.”
Later, as we processed Julian’s reaction, the diagnosis felt a little less heavy. The challenges remained, but Caeleb would have his older brother beside him.
Finding strength together
Julian’s words helped us hear our friends’ encouragement differently. They were right that we knew what to do; Julian helped us take the next step. Now the three oldest members of the MacDonald family were ready to support the fourth with everything we had.
Julian has always been a fierce advocate for his younger brother. With him and our community beside us, Cazandra and I found the strength to raise two sons with bleeding disorders.
Looking back, I see the deep care behind our friends’ words and remain grateful for the light they brought into that difficult time. Their confidence in us was not misplaced, but we needed time — and a big brother’s love — to find strength in their words. As we met each challenge, our village stood beside us. I thank God for that community.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or another qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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