We’re teaching our child to evaluate risk without developing anxiety
Our child understands her father's hemophilia, but it shouldn't be a hindrance
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Our 7-year-old daughter, Cittie, recently found herself at the top of a climbing wall at a neighborhood playground. She had managed the climb just fine, but when it came time to descend on the other side, she hesitated. Other children were doing it without much thought, while some parents were telling their kids off for attempting it. My husband, Jared, however, encouraged Cittie to continue. He believed she could safely make her way down.
Cittie was concerned about falling and hitting her head. It was understandable, especially for a child growing up with a father who has severe hemophilia B and epilepsy. Jared experienced a brain hemorrhage following a childhood accident, which eventually led to the seizures he lives with today. Our daughter knows the story. She understands that her father was simply playing when a freak accident changed his life, and that having hemophilia makes head injuries particularly dangerous.
The moment prompted us to reflect on how growing up around chronic illness might influence a child’s understanding of risk. Although Cittie isn’t known to have hemophilia nor show any symptoms, she’s familiar with some of the consequences of a serious injury. Jared acknowledged that she might naturally become more cautious about physical activities because of what she sees at home. He doesn’t consider that a bad thing, but he worries about that caution developing into anxiety.
When caution becomes restriction
This perspective means something coming from Jared. Growing up with hemophilia, he experienced the frustration of being told he couldn’t participate in certain activities, even when he believed he was capable. He loved physical activity, particularly swimming, but wasn’t allowed to join the swim team. Physical education teachers also sometimes excluded him from activities out of concern for his safety.
Some restrictions may have been reasonable, especially given the limited treatment options available during his childhood. Still, those experiences taught him what happens when other people’s concerns begin to define a person’s abilities.
Jared believes children need opportunities to encounter manageable risks, develop judgment, and discover what they’re capable of doing. I share that belief, although putting it into practice is more complicated than it sounds.
Ultimately, Cittie chose to move on to other activities rather than complete the climb. We naturally want to encourage her to try difficult things and discover her abilities, but confidence cannot simply be demanded of her. Sometimes we have to accept that she isn’t ready for a challenge, even when we believe she could succeed.
Lately, I’ve been encouraging her to play outdoors more often, and I’m pleased that she’s agreed to try a two-wheel scooter. It’s another opportunity to develop her balance, coordination, and confidence. Of course, we’ll make sure she has appropriate protective equipment and a suitable place to practice. Supporting physical exploration doesn’t mean ignoring safety precautions. I hope these experiences teach her that safety is something she can actively participate in, rather than be simply a set of restrictions imposed by adults.
Learning to live with risk
It’s similar to what Jared and I believe about living independently with hemophilia. Independence doesn’t mean pretending risks don’t exist. It means learning to assess them, prepare for them, and make informed decisions.
Our understanding of parenting has evolved alongside our daughter’s growing awareness of disability. As she gets older, we’re increasingly conscious of the attitudes she might absorb from our experiences. We can’t entirely control what lessons she takes from growing up around chronic illness, but we can be intentional about the messages we reinforce. We want her to understand that caution has its place without assuming that feeling afraid automatically means something is too dangerous to attempt.
Admittedly, we’re still learning to strike that balance ourselves. We want to raise a child willing to challenge herself, persist through difficulties, and discover she’s capable of more than she sometimes believes. But we also have to respect her pace. Encouragement can only go so far before it becomes pressure.
Jared knows what it’s like to have other people’s fears influence his opportunities. As a father, he hopes to offer our daughter something different. We cannot remove every risk from her life, nor would we want her to approach every challenge without considering its consequences.
What we hope to nurture instead is her ability to make those judgments for herself, with the confidence to explore her abilities and the freedom to try again when she’s ready.
Note: Hemophilia News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or another qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hemophilia News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hemophilia.
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